Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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