It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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