woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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