Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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