I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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