what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You need Xanax blowdarts
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
