How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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