take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
