Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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