$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
