You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
