So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
