You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
