I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
