Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
