if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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