Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
