You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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