Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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