how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
