I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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