Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
