My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
