he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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