Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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