Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
