ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
