I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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