y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
