I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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