Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
