I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
