shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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