Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
