Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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