He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
