so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
