The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
