i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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