So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
