Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize