Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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