We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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