my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've blown a few things in my day
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
