lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
