I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
