Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
