Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
