i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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