im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
