Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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