God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
