do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize