i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
