Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
