i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize