I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
