I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Terrible idea I love it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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