Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
