I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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