I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize