She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
