3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
