I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
