She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize