I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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