I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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