Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They have beer where we have blood.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
