then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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