i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
