I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
