Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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