how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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