I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
