And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
