Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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