I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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