Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
