I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
